Day: October 15, 2010

Today we discovered that we have three stuffed frogs. They were in different spots around the house – one is a new gift from Mimi & Aunt Andrea; one has been in Jonas’ toy box for a long time; and one was in my box of “baby stuff” so it landed in Susannah’s room about a year ago.

Now the three frogs have been rounded up. After all, they are a family, you know. One has verrrrry long, slinky arms and legs with velcro pads on the paws. One is medium-sized (it’s a Beanie Baby). And one is small, with a soft, nubby, terrycloth body.
Jonas wanted to tuck them into his bed tonight, so we did. I put them down one by one and said, “Big frog, medium frog, small frog.” Jonas corrected me: “Daddy frog, son frog, baby frog.”
“Where’s the mommy frog?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I only have three.”

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October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As the parents of three babies who we never got to hold, this day is close to our hearts. Our losses have become easier to think about as more time has passed, but I still remember the pain of those days.

I think one of the hardest thing about a pregnancy loss is that it feels very isolating – it’s hard to talk about, and it can feel like no one else understands what you’re going through. When I found a few books and websites that eased that feeling – and gave me a sense of community and hope – I was so grateful. I thought I’d list them here.
SHARE (website for national organization)
Books:
Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them (from a Christian perspective, excellent book)
Motherhood After Miscarriage (looks like it’s out of print now, but may be available at your library; more technical information than the others, but still helpful in its own way)
If you’ve never lost a baby, but you know someone who has – you might not know what to say. I’d urge you to do a little reading on this sensitive subject, and to be in prayer for that couple. And if nothing else, I think it’s always okay to say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” When we had our miscarriages, I was pretty open about what was happening in our lives, but most people just didn’t really talk about it. After our third loss, I was on the phone with my mom one day when she said, “I know today must be really tough… I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you.” She remembered our baby’s due date, and took the time to let me know she remembered. You may not know a due date, but if you happen to remember the anniversary of your friend’s loss, it’s okay to mention it. Moms who’ve miscarried remember those anniversaries, and sometimes we feel like we are the only ones remembering our babies. Knowing that others remember means A LOT.
In memory of our three babies: Lost September 2003 at 6 weeks (due May 2004); Lost April 2005 at 4 weeks (due January 2006); Lost January 2007 at 11 weeks (due August 2007). We hold you in our hearts.

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Meet the author

MICHELLE NEBEL

I write uplifting women’s fiction woven with threads of faith, grace, and Southern hospitality. My blog is where I share a glimpse of my life, and I hope you’ll find the thoughts here encouraging!

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