A Day of Remembrance

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As the parents of three babies who we never got to hold, this day is close to our hearts. Our losses have become easier to think about as more time has passed, but I still remember the pain of those days.

I think one of the hardest thing about a pregnancy loss is that it feels very isolating – it’s hard to talk about, and it can feel like no one else understands what you’re going through. When I found a few books and websites that eased that feeling – and gave me a sense of community and hope – I was so grateful. I thought I’d list them here.
SHARE (website for national organization)
Books:
Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them (from a Christian perspective, excellent book)
Motherhood After Miscarriage (looks like it’s out of print now, but may be available at your library; more technical information than the others, but still helpful in its own way)
If you’ve never lost a baby, but you know someone who has – you might not know what to say. I’d urge you to do a little reading on this sensitive subject, and to be in prayer for that couple. And if nothing else, I think it’s always okay to say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” When we had our miscarriages, I was pretty open about what was happening in our lives, but most people just didn’t really talk about it. After our third loss, I was on the phone with my mom one day when she said, “I know today must be really tough… I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you.” She remembered our baby’s due date, and took the time to let me know she remembered. You may not know a due date, but if you happen to remember the anniversary of your friend’s loss, it’s okay to mention it. Moms who’ve miscarried remember those anniversaries, and sometimes we feel like we are the only ones remembering our babies. Knowing that others remember means A LOT.
In memory of our three babies: Lost September 2003 at 6 weeks (due May 2004); Lost April 2005 at 4 weeks (due January 2006); Lost January 2007 at 11 weeks (due August 2007). We hold you in our hearts.

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MICHELLE NEBEL

I write uplifting women’s fiction woven with threads of faith, grace, and Southern hospitality. My blog is where I share a glimpse of my life, and I hope you’ll find the thoughts here encouraging!

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2 thoughts on “A Day of Remembrance”

  1. My heart goes out to you! We lost one last December (due August 2010) and another this past June (due January 2011). I think something I didn’t realize would happen as a result is how very difficult it is to become attached to a pregnancy now. I am currently 10 weeks pregnant again and I just can’t seem to let myself truly bond yet. Or make too many plans. I’ve been in the beginning planning stages twice with disappointment and loss as a result. I was never so worried, anxious to go to the doctor, etc. with my first two and I read someone online say they “lost their pregnancy virginity”…the innocence of taking it for granted is forever gone.
    It has made me able to reach out to others more sensitively and grew to a place with my heavenly father..both of those things I wouldn’t change at all!

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  2. Oh Carrie, I’m so sorry! I know what you mean though. When I was pregnant with Susannah, I *needed* that early ultrasound to see a healthy heartbeat. And you’re so right – that even though it’s a painful journey, I think it has given me an avenue of ministry that I wouldn’t otherwise have had, and for that I’m thankful.

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