Category: faith

Y’all, I’m in love with a new ‘gram. I mean, I’m still on Insta, but my heart belongs to another.

Have you met… the Enneagram?

Folks. Folks! This thing has blown me away. I heard about it first online somewhere. (Probably Instagram, honestly. I follow a lot of thinkers and writers and I’m not sure who first mentioned it there.) Then a college friend, who’s now an awesome pastor doing amazing justice work in Atlanta, mentioned his Enneagram (pronounced: any-uh-gram) number on Facebook – which perked my ears up a little. If he’s into it, it must be something worth a look.

I remember Googling it and immediately feeling skeptical and distrustful. Like, who needs another personality survey in her life? I’m an INFP and my love languages are time & touch; I’m a Red and a Phlegmatic. What good is a number?

Then Jen Hatmaker interviewed Chris Heuertz on her podcast and he talked about the Ennegram as a whole and his book, The Sacred Enneagram, which delves into how the Enneagram works as a spiritual development tool.

And my brain exploded.

Unlike the Meyers-Briggs, the Enneagram doesn’t just tell you where you fit in a little box (or in this case, on a little circle). The Enneagram is dynamic – it’s all about movement.

The idea, as I understand it, is that we’re all born with something of every number in us. But over time during childhood, we begin to use one number as our primary means of coping with the world. This personality is a mask, a shield, and we use it to function. As adults, we can “live” right there in our number – but when we are healthy emotionally & spiritually, we move across the circle and take on the “high side” characteristics of a different number. And conversely, when we are in stress or in an unhealthy spiritual and emotional zone, we move across the circle to embody the “low side” or “shadow” characteristics of yet a third number.

Lightbulbs all over the place.

Furthermore, every number on the Enneagram has a primary sin to grapple with – and thus, every number needs to practice a different spiritual discipline in order to grow.

The Enneagram, you guys! It doesn’t just slap a label on you: “Hi, I’m A Four!” It takes your hand and says, “You’ve been moving through the world as a Four, but that’s not your true self. You’ve been using Four thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to avoid grappling with the sin that plagues your soul. Move in this direction, friend, and discover the true self that God wants you to be. Teach your spirit how to do this thing, and discover the virtue which counteracts that sin.”

Intrigued? Oh, goody! I’m a newbie, guys, but here are my recommendations (I don’t do affiliate links; I’m not making any kickbacks. I just love these resources):

The Road Back to You, by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile — super easy read. Funny and conversational in tone. These folks love people and love

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Our preacher shared some very wise observations last week in his message, as he usually does. Even though he wasn’t primarily preaching on the concept of Sabbath, he mentioned it as part of his larger picture, and it seemed to dovetail beautifully with my recent focus on self-care.

He said (I’m paraphrasing):

“The idea behind Sabbath is to stop – simply because it’s time to stop. Each of us must carve out Sabbath in our own lives. It doesn’t have to be Judaism’s sundown-to-sundown, nor the 1950’s Blue Laws either. It just has to be a time when – no matter what – we will be with God.”

…which made me think: taking a Sabbath rest is a critical component of self-care.

When we slow down, take a break from our labor, listen to God’s Word and His Spirit, pray or meditate – we center ourselves. We remember to care for our soul. Since it doesn’t feel hunger pains the same way as our stomachs, it’s easier to neglect to feed a soul. Since it neither atrophies nor plumps up before our eyes like our muscles, it’s easier to forget to exercise a soul. But it’s still vital for us to care for our spirit.

In my last post, I only mentioned spiritual self-care briefly. Today, I thought I should offer some suggestions to that end.

Is your spirit parched, mama? Is your soul hungry? Sit yourself down, and be nourished.

 

  • Prayer. You know, talking to God can take so many different forms. Those “popcorn” prayers you toss up all day long – repeating something written centuries ago – jotting your needs in a journal – praying both for people you know and strangers you see in your day-to-day. In some seasons of my life, I’ve found it really hard to pray for myself, but that’s when I can usually still pray over other people.
  • God’s Word. You can go old-school: grab your Bible, flip it open, point to a verse at random, and read that for the day. Or you can go artsy and get a journaling/art Bible. If you’ve always got your phone nearby anyway, there’s an app for that – you can sign up for a devotion series and your phone will ‘ding’ you a notification reminder to log in and read the daily selection. Whatever it takes to fit your life – there is certainly a way to focus on God’s Words to you. (Remember, dear heart: your relationship with God is a relationship in every sense of the word. God loves to hear from you in prayer, but you also need to listen to Him and listen for Him. Can you imagine if you had a friend who ran into the room, talked non-stop for ten minutes, and ran back out – every time you saw her? I’m guessing that you would soon know all about her – but she wouldn’t know you very well. Listening to God through His Word is vital to a deepening relationship with Him.)
  • Meditation.

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Sometimes, it’s easy to feel like your small voice isn’t making much of a difference in this big, noisy world.

Sometimes, it seems like speaking up won’t accomplish anything (except maybe to lose you a few friends).

Sometimes, you have to do it anyway.

This afternoon I saw something on Facebook. A proud mother posting photos of her kid’s school presentation on a historical figure – typical newsfeed fodder, right?

But this was a photo of a White middle-school kid in blackface.

I gasped and I muttered under my breath. I got angry and I prayed about holding my tongue and my temper.

And then, I decided to hold my temper but not my tongue. Because sitting silently in the face of injustice, in the presence of disrespect, in the view of racism (yup, I said it!) is no better than engaging in injustice and disrespect and racism oneself.

Of all the character traits I pray that my children will grow to embody – and that I pray they will SEE IN ME – integrity is one of the dearest to my heart. Because integrity, I believe, locks all the others together. Peace, patience, kindness, goodness, love: each of them is undergirded and strengthened by integrity.

I know and love people of color. I would be horrified for any of them to sit in a school auditorium and witness a kid parade in blackface on a stage. What’s more? I would be horrified for my White children to witness that, too. Because I don’t want my children to think that the defining characteristic of that famous freedom fighter was the color of his skin. I don’t want my community to be one where showing up to a public school wearing blackface is acceptable.

So I said something.

I don’t know if the lesson deep at the heart of this will get through to that mother or that preteen. (SPOILER ALERT: THE LESSON IS THAT BLACKFACE IS NEVER OKAY BECAUSE BLACKFACE IS ALWAYS DEEPLY DISRESPECTFUL.) I have hope, though, that they or their circle Facebook friends will see my comment and stop to think. Maybe one heart or mind will change. But even if they don’t? The other lesson deep at the heart of what happened today was for me: speaking out about Wrong is always okay because it is always the Right thing to do.

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It’s been 13 years since Chris’ diagnosis with testicular cancer. I told the whole story a few years ago, so I won’t repeat myself.

But do you know what’s always worth repeating?

ThanksBe
I am still thankful for restoration and health at the hands of the Great Physician. Thankful for the man Chris has become through the past thirteen years. Thankful for the three beautiful children with whom we have been blessed, and for the life we have built. Thankful for the hundreds of lives he’s touched through his work. Thankful beyond measure to the Lord Jesus Christ.

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The last few years, the Lord has used lessons about submission,
gratitude, and service to deepen and grow my sense of contentment. Those are the first three “building blocks” in this series.

A moving gif of blocks arranges itself into a smiling face.

The final block that completes the foundation for contentment is connection. What do I mean by that? Well, first of all: I mean real, honest, authentic relationships with other believers.I don’t mean the connections you make on social media (for the most part). Oh, I hope that my blog is a source of encouragement and reading it leaves you feeling bolstered. I hope that you have a sense of community in the feeds you follow on Twitter or Instagram. But in general, most of us get comparison —not connection— from our online worlds.

Comparison is a Thief

Comparison only serves to steal your joy and breed discontentment. Comparison leaves you feeling less-than. Comparison prompts you to narrow angry eyes at your stuff, your circumstances, your people, and your place.

Mrs. Potato Head packing Mr. Potato Head's "angry eyes" from Toy Story 2

Don’t pack your angry eyes, friends. Now if it’s true that comparison breeds discontentment, but connection fosters contentment… the question is, why?

Connection Halts Entitlement Thinking

I’d say it’s because living in a real community forces us to let go of pride and entitlement.I’d wager that in many of our lives, discontentment comes from a sense of entitlement. Your human nature tells you:

I deserve better than this.
I deserve better in my relationships – my husband, my kids, my friends… they just don’t appreciate me or treat me right.
I deserve better in my place – this house, this job, this town, this whole state – they aren’t up to my standards!
I deserve better from my stuff – I should really have a better car, fancier sunglasses, nicer shoes, a bigger TV.
I deserve better from my circumstances – I wasn’t made to live like this!

On the other hand, when you spend time and effort connecting with a group of believers, learning together and living out your callings together, you will grow in grace.


“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than ourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

Small Groups beat Packed Arenas

There’s a lot to be said about small groups in the Christian life. What I’ve seen in my own experience is that two big things come from connection: accountability and vulnerability.

When you’re accountable to a group of friends, fellow travelers on the journey, you first of all learn to recognize your own shortcomings. You own up to your sins, and your people encourage you in repentance and starting fresh with your eyes back on Christ. Guess what that does for your sense of entitlement? It smashes it WAY down to proper size. Accountability reminds us that we aren’t deserving of any of the blessings in

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We are not alone.

Dear friends, we are not the only ones wondering about how to shed the miasma of discontent. A venerable crew of bloggers have gone before us on this path. And since contentment can be so #contagious, let’s consider what others have learned & shared!

Start everyday by offering praise to the Lord.  Sometimes we can get focused on expressing our needs to God instead of just giving thanks. Find a way to include the entire family in a daily habit of gratitude and cultivating contenment. Use meals times or bedtimes to say and record your blessings as a family.”  ~Denise In Bloom

Sarah Sandel, at Sarah Writes, blogged a 31-day series about A Contented Heart. In her Day 5 post, these words brought me to tears:

“I do not wish to fling platitudes in your face or minimize your pain & weariness. I know this these things, I have felt these things, I have my own shares of not-enough more often than I like. So hear what is True and Good when I say: your feelings are not always accurate indicators of reality. There is a deep truth to contentment in Christ that does not change with your circumstances. “I have learned to be content” does not happen on the mountaintop, but in the low, low valley where Christ becomes all. He does not become all here in that He was not all before, but in the valley we begin to see what always ways, if we will allow Him to reveal it: that Christ Jesus is all, is sufficient, is enough for weary, aching heart and the wounds we are bandaging. He is enough.”

That is a good word, right there. Go read alllllll her entries. Soak it up.

Keri shares one of my favorite Psalms in her reflection on contentment over at Growing In His Glory and then remarks:

We must trust that the Lord will provide exactly what we need, when we need it. Like a baby, we may clamor for more “milk,” but as our souls are sanctified, that rooting will eventually cease. Then, we will become content with whatever the Lord supplies.”

 

And there are heavy hitters. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, from Revive Our Hearts Ministries has a whole “Cultivating A Contented Heart” series both in print & audio, which you can stream or download.  Ann Voskamp, as you might expect, contributes words of wisdom and grace. Carl Richards weighs in over at The New York Times, and Glennon Doyle Melton pens her insights at the Momastery.

Click a few links this morning and ponder. It’s my prayer that the words of one of these authors will touch your heart and help you catch the germ. Contentment is part of God’s plan for you, and gosh: it just feels really good. It’s delightful to be delighted in whatever life-stage you’re in… with whomever shares your life… at whatever work you are doing… with just the things you

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Meet the author

MICHELLE NEBEL

I write uplifting women’s fiction woven with threads of faith, grace, and Southern hospitality. My blog is where I share a glimpse of my life, and I hope you’ll find the thoughts here encouraging!

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