For the last ever-so-many months, we’ve been saying we should take advantage of our newfound surplus of time and money by getting a babysitter and heading out for some time alone.
We moved here in July. We got a recommendation for a sitter and went out in August on a Saturday afternoon. (It seemed like a good idea not to expect a teenage sitter to wrangle the kids for bedtime since they are not at all used to sitters and would probably flip out!) We went downtown, ate at a cute ’50s-themed diner, and browsed all the adorable shops that would NOT be possible to navigate with two kids.
Then in September, a baby came along. 🙂 We kind of hibernated for awhile; you know how that goes.
About a week ago, I asked Chris if he’d like to go Christmas shopping one day. We could have the babysitter back over (wonder if she remembers us!?) and head out to pick up the last few things for our little darlings and enjoy the time together. He said sure!
Then this past Thursday, when I was visiting our friends in N. Ky, he got paid and got excited about Christmas shopping. Apparently he shopped for me, which is fine 😉 but he also shopped for the rest of our list.
Last night, Chris asked me if I was going to call Beth on Monday. “I can,” I said, “but do we still need her for Saturday? You did all the shopping.” He looked a little bit stunned and maybe crestfallen. First of all, I guess he didn’t realize that that was IT for the lists. And secondly, without needing to go Christmas shopping, he didn’t know WHAT we could do.
I thought that was the end of the conversation, but half an hour later, he came over to me and asked if he was a bad husband.
WHA—-????
Where did that come from?
“I always hear that you should do things together, as a couple. Isn’t it bad, that I can’t think of anything to do together without the kids? One day the kids won’t be here, they’ll grow up and move out…”
Ay yi yi.
Okay, yes, it’s true that we need to do things together and keep our sense of fun as a couple. And yes, we’re probably out of practice of thinking of “date” activities. But we’ve been in such a wierd place during med school and residency where there’s no time and even less cash – so we’ve gotten into the habit of just hanging out at home, watching TV and movies on Netflix. 😉 I think it’s GOOD that he even wants to go out on dates, even if he can’t think of “what to do” at least it feels like a good first step that he wants to. Right?
So I mentioned that a friend of ours reads a blog with suggestions for date nights. He got a little upset by that and said he shouldn’t have to check the Internet for ideas. My response was that, hey, maybe it would just be a way to get started. After we get in the habit of “dating” each other again, we’ll probably come up with lots of our own ideas.
This morning, I hunted a bit to find that blog my friend likes. (It’s The Dating Divas, by the way.) So, it’s a cute blog –if a bit visually overwhelming IMO– and it does have a bucketload of date ideas. But it bothers me, and I’ll tell you why.
ALL OF THE DATES ARE PLANNED BY THE WIVES.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with a gal planning a date for her best guy. I get that. But you know what?
I plan our menus.
I plan the kids’ school lessons.
I plan our road trips and do all the packing.
I plan for the kids’ clothing each season.
I plan for decorating the house.
I would really rather not have to plan all our dates, as well.
And — here’s the big one, and I don’t think I’m the only female on the planet who feels this way — the WHOLE POINT of dating is to feel, well, woo’ed.
If I have to make all the plans and you just show up, I don’t feel cherished and desired. I feel like a cruise director.
Where’s the website for men who want to plan dates and need a few ideas to get them started?